“You can receive all the compliments in the world, but that won’t do a thing unless you believe it yourself.” -Criss Jami

What comes up for you as you read the quote?  I imagine your thoughts could go in a lot of different directions. 

My clients find their confidence and belief in themselves has been shaken by the experience of chronic illness.   I am able to empathize deeply knowing exactly how they feel having been there myself.

Let me give you a couple of typical examples:

• they tell me they don’t have the strength and endurance to do all the things that used to come easily because of disrupted sleep and fatigue.
   
• they share the distress they feel when a lack of clarity because of brain fog and pain makes it difficult to complete tasks.

Can you relate? 

If you were to listen in to the coaching calls I have each week you would often hear my clients and I often talking about two common issues related to their lack of self-confidence.

1. Negative Self- Talk vs. Self-Compassion. Clients frequently report they have a very harsh inner voice that criticizes everything they do. 

   After spending the day focused on much needed self-care that unpleasant inner critic says things like, “So, what did you accomplish today?  Maybe you are just a hypochondriac, maybe you are just lazy!”  Ouch. 

   Instead, in our coaching conversations we emphasize developing a strong inner voice of self-compassion that says things like, “You focused on your healing today.  Good for you!”

   I lead the women I work with in a lovely online mini-retreat focused on learning proven ways to build inner strength and self-acceptance and to experience deep self-compassion towards their bodies.
   
   Kristin Neff a researcher and expert in self-compassion notes, “Learning to embrace yourself and your imperfections gives you the resilience needed to thrive.” Confidence can grow in the presence of kindness.

2. Perfectionism vs. It’s Good Enough.  My fibromyalgia clients typically have a personality that strives for achievement. Before the onset of chronic illness they were often involved in all kinds of activities at home and in the workplace.

    They could work all day and come home and do a second shift of household chores and childcare or social activities, go to sleep and do it all again the next day.

   Now they struggle with setting realistic expectations.  If they can’t do something perfectly they won’t do it at all and their world gets smaller and smaller.

   As an alternative I teach my clients about the concept of doing things in a good enough way. We explore the 80/20 rule, prioritizing the 20% of the factors that produce the best results.  This underscores the importance of exerting your energy on those aspects of your life that get you the best results.
   
    I often say “Learn to go deep not wide”, meaning learning to live deeply from your strengths and values vs. spreading yourself thin over many activities.

Are you feeling discouraged, struggling with a lack of confidence and not even knowing where to start to feel better?  I can help.  I’ve helped dozens of women regain their confidence and believe in themselves again.