Love Life, Love People!
We are looking at the 4th pillar of lifestyle medicine, forming and maintaining healthy relationships and how having loving relationships is so important for our health and well-being.
The Negative Effect of Isolation
I think all of us who live with fibromyalgia and chronic illness sometimes suffer from a feeling of isolation, that no one really understands what we are going through. It is hard to explain to others what we are experiencing because sometimes we don’t even understand what is going on in our body! Am I right?
Plus, I don’t know about you, but I get tired of hearing myself talk about my struggles with pain, sleep, fatigue, not being able to think clearly and digestive issues etc., etc., etc. Ugh. I have other things I would rather talk about, don’t you?!
So, it makes sense that, especially during a flare of symptoms, we might withdraw and try to cope on our own. Sometimes, being quiet and resting and focusing on what our body need in the moment is exactly the right thing to do.
But, if we are not careful, we can find ourselves withdrawing more and more from social interaction which can leave us feeling lonely and disconnected. We feel that something vital is missing from our lives and it is!
As a mammalian species, we humans are designed for connection to our immediate family and friends and to our larger tribe or community.
When we don’t have these relationships, we feel a deep sense of grief and loss and we suffer. I’m sure you know what I mean.
Our sensitive Fibro bodies perceive this loss of connection as a threat to our well-being, which it is, and this sets off a stress reaction in our body which can lead to an amplification of our fibro symptoms!
Social Connection is Essential for Our Well-Being
I was recently exploring these issues of social connection with a lovely client of mine, Lisa, from Indiana. She has graciously given me permission to share a little bit of her story. Thank you so much Lisa!
One day Lisa had a difficult interaction with a long time set of friends that left her feeling dismissed and unappreciated. As we talked about the incident, she realized her hurt and sorrow and even anger from the disappointing interaction had lodged in her body and was weighing her down, making her feel heavy all over and was contributing to a deeper sense of pain and fatigue than usual.
As we began to explore her network of social connections she said:
“It used to be easy for me to have lots of effortless, friendly relationships but as my Fibromyalgia worsened and I moved to another city, it became harder to find those connections. I would like to have those close friendships again, but it feels like work. I don’t see a clear path forward.”
What about you? Can you relate to Lisa’s dilemma? It would be so nice to have nurturing close friendships with people you could be free to share your life with, but finding those friendships takes energy, maybe energy you don’t have to give?
It’s important to know that there is significant evidence from research studies that feeling connected to others improves our overall health. When a person feels the love and belongingness of social connection, they are better able to pursue their goals, to be creative and to enhance their well-being.
In other words, loving people and being loved in return is essential for good mental and physical health. The British Society of Lifestyle Medicine has a short article outlining the importance of looking for opportunities for social connection noting:
“As human beings we are hard wired to connect with each other; we are social beings and our family and community relationships give our lives purpose and meaning. Connecting with others not only helps us to survive but to thrive… From a physical health point of view there is a growing body of evidence demonstrating a link between the quality of our social connections and the associated risk of conditions including obesity, heart disease and even some cancers. Our mental health too is closely linked to our relationships with others, and loneliness is a key risk factor for depression.”*
Creating a Supportive Social Network
The Ornish Lifestyle Medicine website has a resource describing Five Ways to Enhance Social Connection that I briefly summarize below. Check out the article for more details:
- Maintain existing relationships and reconnect with old friends.
- Focus on quality of relationships not just quantity.
- Use social media as a way station to connect with people off line
- Create a safe place where people can safely confide in one another.
- Schedule regular times to meet up with friends.**
Being connected to others is just as important to our well-being as eating a healthy diet, moving our body and sleeping well.
References:
*https://bslm.org.uk/healthy-relationships-and-social-connections/
**https://www.ornish.com/zine/increase-social-connection/
