What Brings You Joy, Peace and Support?
This is the 4th installment of the series discussing PERMAH which is an acronym for the six elements of well-being and flourishing as described by Martin Seligman.
We are focusing on the element R which refers to Relationships.
An article on from Dr. Chris Moore on his Ed Psych Insight blog [1] has this to say about the importance of relationships for our well-being:
“…we are biologically predisposed to be in relationships. We learn how to understand, regulate and cope with our emotions through our interactions with others. Therefore, social connections are a very powerful buffer of stress.
Problems don’t feel as bad when we have someone who can lend us their calm brain to reflect on situations and co-create solutions.
The power of relationships works both ways – not only is our well-being enhanced through how others interact with us, but we can also have a positive impact on our friends, family and colleagues through simple acts of compassion and thoughtfulness.”
Relationships Can Be Challenging with Chronic Illness
I think we can all agree that having a network of solid relationships is a tremendous blessing in life but cultivating and maintaining those relationships takes energy that we often do not have when we are coping with fibromyalgia and chronic illness.
Often even those closest to us may not understand the complexities involved in managing our illness. They may be confused by how dynamic our symptoms are, waxing and waning, sometimes we are available and sometimes we’re just not.
So, if you are discouraged about your relationships, I hear you and you are not alone!
l give myself permission to be consistently inconsistent. I try to find simple ways to stay in touch with friends and family via frequent texts, occasional phone calls and visits when we can.
Some Tips for Cultivating Relationships
A speaker and author I follow, Jen Hatmaker, has several relevant suggestions in her article “How to Make Friends as an Adult” [2]. She acknowledges that it takes courage and intention to make friends as an adult and she notes that friendships don’t happen by accident. It can help to join a local group like a book club, or a bible study or a gentle exercise class.
Here’s my experience joining a neighborhood group: One of my new neighbors invited me to a monthly Bunco group shortly after we moved. I’d never been to a Bunco group before, but I love it. But there is another side to the story as well. Sitting and rolling Bunco dice for 3 hours is hard on my sensitive Fibro body! LOL! So, I am not able to attend every month, sometimes I have to get a substitute, but I’m ok with that because I attend often enough to feel part of the group. This is me being consistently, inconsistent!
As Jen Hatmaker says, “Friendship is worth the effort. Be patient, but keep trying. Making friends in adulthood doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and—yes—some trial and error. Not everyone will become your person, and that’s okay. Keep showing up. Keep putting yourself out there.”
- Organize catch-ups and get-togethers with family or friends, in person or online.
- Show your appreciation for work colleagues.
- Share photos or souvenirs that remind you and a significant other of good times.
- Use active listening and empathy when supporting someone with a problem.
- Spend a few minutes chatting to a stranger.
- Write a message to a relative or friend that shows “I’m thinking of you”.
- Send a thank you card for someone who helped you.
- Remind someone that you love them.
Investing in Relationships is Worth the Effort
Having positive relationships brings joy and laughter, emotional support, and a sense of belonging and as we experienced this is especially true in the midst of a crisis.
Are you convinced that you want to invest more energy in your relationships but you don’t know where to start? I’ve got you!
I support all the women I work with in developing their social support network. I would love for you to consider scheduling a free consultation to discover if working with a health coach like me could help you find a way to strengthen your relationships and improve your overall well-being. You can schedule a time to talk HERE.
