You Can Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Characteristics of a Growth Mindset
When I first meet with the women I work with, they are often discouraged and confused. They’ve been given lots of often contradictory advice about how to cope with their fibromyalgia symptoms but they haven’t been given any support in figuring out how to do things differently.
They have been buffeted by the intricacies of the health care system, often disbelieved and often criticized to the point where they are ready to give up. But the women I work with seek out a coach because they know in the depths of their being that they can feel better if only they have the right sort of guidance to help them.
They have three important characteristics of a growth mindset: they are curious, committed and creative.
First, people with a growth mindset are curious. They wonder if having extra support during the trial-and-error phase of learning new approaches could speed along the process ultimately saving them time and money. They are curious to find out if there are new things to learn and there often are, they are like people who are great at jigsaw puzzles patiently seeking out just the right piece to complete the picture of the life they have envisioned for themselves.
Second, they are committed. They are determined to grow and learn in spite of inevitable setbacks. In my book, I quote my client Lucy who describes her experience of moving from a fixed mindset to embracing a growth mindset regarding managing her fibromyalgia and other health issues. She wrote to me:
“I’m seeing this latest health challenge with new eyes. I’m learning to listen to my body and I’m trying to give it what it needs to heal. I’ve been evaluating other stresses in my life, such as self-sabotage and limiting beliefs. I feel heard, validated and encouraged and not alone in this journey.”
And third, they are creative life-long learners. They say to themselves things like: I can learn new things. With practice things get better. I can learn from others. They learn how to deeply listen to their body and to ask and answer this profound six-word question-What do I need right now?
The women I work, have a passion for stretching themselves, and they are tenacious in implementing their treatment programs.
Example of Tina/Tanya
When you have a growth mindset this opens up a new world of possibilities for managing your fibromyalgia. I wish you could be a fly on the wall to listen in to the coaching sessions I do with my wonderful curious, committed and creative clients.
I’d like to give you a deeper look into the experience of one of my clients that I call Tina in my talk but here in this newsletter I want to introduce her to you with her real name, Tanya.
Tanya is an accomplished world languages teacher of Italian at a high school in the Boston area. She gave me permission to share part of her story with you. Thank you Tanya!
Tanya came to me with a history of severe trauma in her first marriage. Although she was now in a loving second marriage, the trauma she experienced in her previous marriage left deep scars on herself and on her son.
Acknowledging that because of her trauma history additional stressors easily became triggers for a flare up of fibro symptoms was a game changer. We spent a lot of time experimenting with ways to reduce and manage the stressors in her life which included setting boundaries with her teenage son and soliciting the help of the whole family for meal planning and preparation.
Tanya loves her job teaching AP classes in high school but the demands of teaching full time were taking a toll on her sensitive fibro body and she was ready and willing to make changes.
She did this by identifying her overall goal, what she wanted to aim for, which is continuing to work full time and then we broke her goal into what I like to call micro goals or micro steps which are smaller parts of the goal that are more easily achievable.
Step by step she redesigned her classroom to be more fibro friendly, she stored healthy snacks in her desk, she used a microwavable heating pad for her neck that fits under a lovely scarf, she purchased a supportive desk chair with wheels, she reconfigured the seating in the classroom, she assigned classroom management tasks to her students so she doesn’t have to do everything herself, she even assigns a student to be her “memory” and to remind her if she forgets anything! That is what I call creative and her students love her! In fact, she is one of the most beloved teachers in her school.
Tanya also supports her emotional and social well-being by fostering supportive relationships at work and in her personal life and by setting appropriate boundaries, when necessary, like when colleagues interrupt her planning time to go on and on about low priority issues. She is committed to letting go of perfectionism and through perseverance and assertiveness she was able to negotiate a more favorable teaching schedule.
All of these changes were not easy and they didn’t happen all at once. But Tanya was curious, committed and creative, pushing through her doubts and anxiety to achieve her goal of continuing her teaching career which is her passion and brings her so much joy and fulfillment.
She is now thriving and able to do all this because she embraced a growth mindset that was based on her proven ability to face hard things and come out on the other side stronger and in better health.
She practiced learning from her mistakes and was willing to try a different way when something did not work. Does she still have hard days? Yes, of course she does, she is human just like all of us and no matter how skillful we become in managing our fibromyalgia inevitably there are hard days. But the difference now is that she has greater joy and greater confidence in her skills and in herself that she can meet the challenges that come her way.
Take a look at these lovely pictures below of Tanya on a recent trip to visit Italy where she was born and raised. It was her first visit in 10 years. Feeling well enough to make the trip meant so much to her as you can tell from the joy on her face!
What Comes Next?
I often ask the women I work with, what are your takeaways? What are your next steps? Where will you focus your attention next? What is the most important thing in your life right now? And what is your plan to get there?
Are you intrigued to consider that a shift in your mindset could yield the type of results that Tanya has achieved?
What is your next step? Could it be to download my BEST assessment HERE or to buy my book HERE? I hope you will! Is it time to listen to all the Fibromyalgia Podcast interviews that you have been saving up HERE?
And if you don’t know where to start, then I invite you schedule a free Breakthrough Session with me HERE and we can explore whether or not working with me as your health coach could be the next step in you taking control of your health and learning to love your life again like Tanya has done.
